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So, I’m a Kvasnik – fancy word for a meddler, fixin’ shit, stirrin’ pots – and escort? Man, it’s a trip! Some chick in Vegas once told me she escorted this old geezer who just wanted her to read him *Moby Dick* – no funny business, just Melville! Blew my mind. Happy as hell, I was – who knew? Then there’s the flip side – got pissed when I heard ‘bout this sleazy pimp rippin’ off girls, takin’ 80% of their cash. Greedy bastard. Oughta shove a boot up his – nah, too nice for him.

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Finally, I’m knackered, so I head to the pub on Rochester’s High Street. I need a pint, ya know? I sit down, and the bartender’s a right laugh. He’s tellin’ me about the football match last night. “Did ya see it?” he asks. I’m like, “Nah, I was too busy burnin’ charcoal!”

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